1/4 mile
I wish that i could record my thoughts as i run ~ they are free and fluid and full of hope.
As i ran listening to my mix of songs that i call “rock on super nova” i felt liberated in the hills. i thought about how my life right now is like my run. Each minute that i push on there is a healthier minute ahead ~ Each 1/4 mile marks an accomplishment.
The first 1/4 mile was the hardest. it pushed me like no other. i hurt. i wanted to quit. i wanted to lay down and wait for someone to come carry me away from the trail. My lungs felt fine but my legs were throbbing; they were heavy and wanted to not work at all. I didn’t want to do the run anymore…and i felt like every ounce of energy in me was gone. Like my life this was the hardest. Being in a painful marriage like mine was hard and tiring ~ i wanted to sit down and give up. i didn’t want to the pain of divorce. i didnt want to fight my way out. it just hurt too bad. And like my energy all my friends and supports abandoned me to the song of “god wouldn’t tell you what he did” ~ Like my run i know that i have energy and i know i can do it as i know god did talk to me NUMEROUS times and that i am better off with out them. (thanks to those that stuck around!)
The next 1/4 mile showed me the turn around. It was FAR off but i could see it coming. I still hurt.
The third 1/4 mile was when i really saw the halfway mark. I knew it was there…i could feel it. This was when i saw hope at the end of the tunnel. I knew that God was there with me and that i was going to push through the pain and survive.
Halfway there. Divorce. Freedom. Anger. Pain. Happiness…bombardment of feelings
Next 1/4 mile…starting to feel my legs surrender to the workout and relax into each step. I started to feel my lungs dry up and tighten in my chest. Here is the part of my life where i am living more freely but feeling the inner pains/ struggles of now being divorced. And feeling the inner joys of being allowed to FEEL out loud again.
Next 1/4 mile I hit the shade. a bit of relief surges through me. The sun pops in and out of the trees briefly blinding me on my path. I know that i am close to my car again and that i will soon be in it and safe from the heat of the hills. I am feeling the groove of my run hit and feeling like i might be able to push and speed up my finishing time even. I am feeling strong and accomplished. And here is where i believe that i am in my life. i am feeling the relief of the decision that i made. I am feeling the peace inside and starting to find refuge from the haters and naysayers. I am starting to feel accomplished and beautiful again. I am lindy again. Although i still have moments where the sun blinds me (haters and naysayers) i know it will be brief if i am shielded in my truth and on Gods team.
one more 1/4 mile. I know that i dont have to push much longer. I know that i am almost through it. My lungs are seriously burning now but my legs are feeling alive and fast. I pick up my pace to get an extra minute off the clock. I hit the last 1/4 mile.
I am unsure how these parts relate but i only hope that the sense of super nova that i get as i get back to my car with a better time than i have yet (18 minutes for two miles up and down in the hills) means that something GREAT is on the way!~
The running that i do is essential to keeping my soul fire lit and pushing through the hard parts when they briefly do shine in my eyes.
Thanks again to Kirsten (my thought/life coach) who taught me to keep my soul fire lit and to always be alive and positive.
The photo is the start of a new project that i am doing. I want to record How i looked and felt as often as i can VISUALIZE it. and lately i am immersing myself in music to help my thoughts flow and stay positive and organic. I need it to stop my mind sometimes…and others i need to to help me move. i feel very connected to these songs and am thankful for their presence in my life. and thanks to my new found rockstar hotty florida friend that (just by being COOL) influenced me to take self portrait’s and be more artistic again!
Good job, Lindy! Yay! It is work all worth it.
I meant it is all worth the work!
Lindy…all i can say is amazing…and thank you.
The fact that you are writing and sharing your experience with others with complete and total honesty and allowing yourself to be totally vulnerable by showing your true self and your true emotions is really a gift that you are giving to all of us who know you and/or read your blog. To see you walk through this time with strength and courage truly inspires me. …know that you are being held and loved by so many people. 
(…and keep on running 
…isn’t it amazing what it does for your mind and your soul, and how it helps you see what you are really capable of?) Thanks again for sharing…take care.