I spent the day before my birthday out at my parents ranch and it was wonderful. I did nearly ten loads of laundry and hung them all on the line out back to air dry. the therapeutic waving of the clothes calmed my soul as i also achieved a great feat.
I actually considered, and now wish that i had, laid under the lines and watched them dry. There is such a peace to my mothers ranch that i start to crave…i want t home with a clothes line. If you have never done this…do so.
But the thoughts that i had reminded me of something.
When i lived in New Jersey i used to drive to the ocean every chance that i had and watch the waves flow back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…nothing can change this. they are fluid, organic and so alive and consistent. I used to pretend that i was the water calmly floating to and fro with out a care in the world.
When i lived in Eastern Idaho i used to climb a big tree up into a tree fort and watch the clouds move slowly in and out of my little window in the leaves. They were so wonderful and soft in their movement…consistent yet ever changing. I used to pretend that i lived as a cloud for the afternoon…and enjoyed focusing only on moving gracefully about the open blue.
When i spent summers at the lake i would lay on the docks and listen to the clink each time the water moved them around. I loved the way that the water pushed them back and forth and although they rocked and clicked their joints at the waves they allowed the natural movements to sway them to sleep and submitted to it year after year…i pretended that i was the docks as i laid there, wishing that i could allow life to move me so with out ever changing and again maintaing that dignity and grace they did.
When i spend time in McCall or Seattle i watch the sail boats drift slowly across the bays and again marvel at their slow constance and grace. I love the way their sails are built to handle the stress that the life of the air gives them. I love the way that their wood is polished to endure the waves of the sea. And although they are being pushed almost violently by the wind they are slow, cautious and calm as they glide on top of the waves. I love to watch them and pretend that i too am a clean and simple sail boat that with such ease can not run from the wind thrown at him but harness it and use it to move me along. i loved just thinking how it would feel to be so steady in my position and so CLEAR in my title and duty in life.
And at the ranch this week i remembered all these things while wishing that i was a clean white sheet swaying back and forth in the sun shiny wind.
The pattern is simple…
I long to be so clear, calm and graceful. i long to KNOW what my job title and duties are so CLEARLY that i can allow the push of life to help me and not slow me down. That i can so obviously see what things that life will throw me as to prepare as they did with their reinforced sails, and protected woods; their accepting sands and strong cords.
But the answers need not be too confusing! ask yourself…
What is my daily duty? Or duties?
What derails me from my daily path?
How do i feel while daily living?
If its not good then why do i feel that way?
How do i want to feel?
What can i creatively do to feel the way that i want to?
What things do i do to confuse my roles throughout the day? (for instance the ocean needs no sails, and the cloud needs no lines.)
While i have been working hard on this topic i have started making a weekly list, and a daily list of the clean cut roles and duties that i have.
Daily my role is to:
prepare healthy meals for my son,
pray with my family,
clean something (written this way so that if time allows(less wind etc…) i deep clean something; and if time doesnt allow i wash a counter.)
tell my family how deeply they are loved,
and make sure to sit calmly and think about how i feel as to become the person that can gracefully float, sway and drift through the things life pushes my way and alter what i need to the next day.
as long as i achieve these things then i can handle what may come!
weekly i make a list of “to do’s” and now i am ever so cautious not to fill it with so much that i am rushing about to and fro like a ant would…i have never nor will i ever watch anything as fast and chaotic and wish i was that! This week i have already achieved 13 out of the 20 things that i said i NEED to do…and its not because they are tiny things…its because the fact that i did as i last blogged! i am allowing myself to be HUMAN and setting my expectations where they should be and starting to allow myself that flow i desire.
when planning your day as to allow yourself FLOW think of a cake…there are so many types…
But what do they have in common? Their “flow”, as i have been calling it, are the ingredients that make their uniqueness possible. Every cake has flour, eggs, milk or some form of these ingredients…and sugar. We too need some things that never change no matter who we are!
Meditate! reflect! think! and find the things in your days that you need to be consistant to allow daily healing, daily growth and then eventually