I had an experience this week that lead me to another thank you…and a lesson.
Thank you kirsten with blue lotus life coaching for teaching me this lesson that i finally LEARNED this week.
I dont want to get into the experience but rather the lesson. after this experience i am speaking of i dropped my son at a friends to play with his buddy while i then found myself at home fuming, pacing back and forth in front of my husband and cussing. Now i was not cussing at him. i was not even mad at him. But the situation had expanded until i was just beside myself with anger. i was saying “..(this certain person) SHOULD have done this…and (this other person) SHOULD have been like this,” and so forth i flew into these allegations.
He should have done this
she should not say that
she should just love me as i am
he shouldnt have accused me of this
she shouldnt have been so dumb
he should have known this
she shouldn’t have been so naive and selfish
but at some point Jerry said “Honey, you need to accept that they are human, they are not perfect.”
I combated him with “BELIEVE ME!!!!! I NEVER thought they were perfect!” laughing then hurling right back into the SHOULD’s
He half grinned in a tiny bit of a Jerry-is-sorta-dissapointed-in-me way. and eventually i calmed down and we snuggled, had a delicious dinner that he had been working on for nearly 12 hours (marinated steak bites with mashed potatoes! YUM!) and enjoyed a great evening. After Cooper had gone to sleep i was laying in bed thinking about the night. i could hear the word “SHOULD” just ringing in my ears and i remembered what Kirsten said.
She said there is only TWO kinds of business:
and whenever you hear yourself saying the word “SHOULD” think and ask yourself “Who’s business is this?”
And if you find yourself in someone elses business find the boundery and say “Here is my business: ……………. and here is their business: …………”
She said when you “SHOULD” someone your handing away your power….and to ALWAYS give yourself WHAT YOU NEED.
So there i was totally wrapped in the SHOULDs and didnt even notice how much power i had given away. the next day i called and apologized for losing my temper at the individual that i did to and said to myself “I can SHOULD this all my life but i will get no where, this is my life and my business and in HERE i am
and i will not give these things away over what others should or shouldnt do…thats their business! and they will have their own struggles and own joys!
The next day after that i was taking my son to school on the scooter and feeling like i was ALIVE! FLYING and just at peace with things. i know that it was because i handed the “SHOULDs” back to them and allowed them to be human and imperfect as i am. I had even apologized for my part in the situation. I also let go of the “HE,she should apologize to me’s” and MOVED ON. i felt great.
This is how the SHOULDs affect us. they hurt, they drag us into things of OTHERs business and do not allow us to keep our own JOY rolling.
SO….. DONT SHOULD. and when you find yourself with a case of the SHOULDs…RUN AWAY FROM THEM!
and be happy.